May 13, 2021
I don\’t think it would be a good idea to Woke Sleepy Joe…
When I hear the term \”woke\” being bandied about these days (normally by the conservative Right) — I take it that being \”woke\” is a negative thing. And I ask myself: Why would a realization (an \’aha\’) be considered a negative attribute? Being woke is surely more preferable than keeping one\’s-head-in-the-sand??
Staying asleep seems a rather silly alternative to being woke (except in Sleepy Joe\’s case).
But as we know, the Right tend to be knuckle draggers who would rather defend racism and inequality than evolve their thinking and, gasp, lift the veil from their colored brothers and sisters to find out that POC are much more than a negative stereotype (my sociology students recently studied W.E.B. Du Bois…).
Members of the Racist Right don\’t even deny that they are racist; rather, they search for ways to legitimize their racist posture with narratives that pale (a pun) in comparison to what the African American has endured in this country. And the Righteous Right use Uncle Toms like Tim Scott to deflect from the violent racism that still runs rampant in our teetering democracy. Don\’t get me wrong — Blue Lives Matter — but Black Lives Matter don\’t go around executing unarmed POC…
Enter Sleepy Joe…
I think Joe Biden will do quite well as president if he\’s never asked to speak for more than 15 minutes. At the 15-minute mark of a monologue — the Sleepy One\’s processing filter starts taking his mouth on journeys that his speech writers didn\’t anticipate. And if he\’s not wearing his shades — we see those dark, beady eyes sunk in the recesses of his sockets — accompanied by that vacant Dirty Harry squint into the teleprompter.
I\’ve been listening to the Sleepy One for years and have always thought his greatest enemy was his own mouth — but now those beady eyes give me the creeps (he has seen a great deal of sorrow…) Still, don\’t let the Sleepy One speak for more than 15 minutes — lest he put his foot so far into his mouth that he chokes.
I recommend a strict weekly regimen for Ol\’ Joe:
1) Waken Him at 7:30am.
2) Get Him showered and ready for breakfast by 8:30am.
3) Let Him take an hour for breakfast and perhaps brief him on something-or-another.
4) From 9:30am to 10am — walk Him down to the West Wing — allowing Him to greet employees along the way.
5) Run a staff meeting from 10am-11am where the Sleepy One merely listens and nods \”assent\” (not \’off\’); and, perhaps have Him grunt if He disagrees with something.
6) Let Him tell some stories to the staff till 11:30am.
7) Put Him down for a nap at about 11:30am and let Him sleep till 12:30pm.
8) Awaken Him at 12:30pm and get Him ready for lunch at 1:00pm.
9) Take lunch till 2:00pm where He can again be briefed on something-or-another.
10) Take Him for an hour walk on Pennsylvania Avenue (weather permitting) and visit any of the historic sites close by. Then have a photo session with the Common, er, Blue Collar Folk (kinda like photos with Santa at Christmas) where people can express their wishes (but under no circumstances should Joe take questions!). This should get us close to 4-4:30pm.
11) Get Him down for a second nap by 4:30pm and awaken him at 5:30pm for dinner.
12) Dinner should be served from 6pm-7pm and he can catch up with Jill at this time and perhaps play with the Champ & Major.
13) I recommend Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy from 7-8pm.
14) Then perhaps a-couple-of-hours of CNN, or MSNBC, or PBS, or BBC, or C-Span (if He really wants to know what\’s going on in the world His intelligence agencies should provide him news from outlets that provide uncensored reporting).
15) Depending on whether He and Jill still get it on — he may wish to alter this schedule one-or-two-times-a-week.
16) But above all, get Him sleeping by 10:00pm so he has gas in the tank for the next day.
Weekends are anyone\’s guess — but I recommend fishing and golf.
Being Woke might be too much for the Sleepy One — and could engender any number of health risks. Keep him Sleepy — so He can keep telling stories about growing up in Scranton and not meddle with affairs of State (assuming that His hires are more competent than Trump\’s were).
As-for-the-rest-of-us — I try to prime my students to become Lifelong Learners which I believe holds parallels to being Woke.
In the extreme Right\’s efforts to remain un-Woke — they remind me of a Return of the Luddites — only this time, they\’re not smashing machines — they are smashing democracy!