I didn’t know what to write about at first: Charlie Sheen or Japan? Because…when you live in the Land of Hollyweird; our “stars” often get top billing over genuinely important world events: like Godzilla visiting Japan. But, since I have the Japan article percolating in my brain (and feel I can get to it tomorrow) – I felt I might tackle the Charlie Sheen meltdown first (particularly when I feel that I would be the best Sheen replacement for 2-and-a-1/2 men).
Sandra Banks, a relatively coherent columnist for my beloved Times had an article printed recently that suggested that Charlie S. has a serious mental disease/disorder: bipolar disorder as-matter-of-fact! OMG! Charlie has a mental disorder/disease?! Yes he does Sandra! It’s called: MAJOR DRUG USAGE (MDU). I often worry for journalists who don’t know their asses from-a-hole-in-the-ground, and, talk to psychiatrists who have had their heads stuffed up their asses sufficiently long enough to talk nothing but shit…
Give me a fucking break; Sheen is a major drug addict, and, his comfort zone, The Sheen World – has been disrupted by an ex-wife; children; a Hollyweird producer; and, whomever keeps driving his cars off the local cliff (who keeps doing that anyway?!). If you know any serious drug addicts – they get very pissed off when anyone fucks with their drug world – and Charlie’s drug-addled existence has been seriously compromised lately.
“Tiger blood” my ass! Charlie is a whiner (actually, the ‘tiger blood’ allusion is a first for me)! I have yet to meet a tiger, er, someone purporting to be a stud – who whines about no one calling him to give him support. Tigers don’t need support – they get what they want – all on their own.
And anyone who knows anything about psychology and addictions knows that the hallmark of advanced addiction is an increased dependency upon external sources as the addict’s baseline functioning declines. Charlie is essentially becoming an invalid. If he was fueled by tiger blood – I’m pretty sure that he-could-do-as-well, or better than Hef – with the ladies. Instead, it sounds like Charlie needs to threaten his women and/or hold them hostage (apparently with knives as his preferred weapon) and can only handle a-couple-of porn actresses at-a-time (Come on! They can’t ALL BE STARS!!).
One psychiatrist quoted in the Sandy Banks editorial suggested that we would all feel badly when Charlie finally crashes. I don’t think I will – and this sentiment isn’t predicated on my taking over for him on 2-and-a-half-men…it’s simply that the Sheen Being has-run-its-course – it has nothing left to give anyone in this incarnation.
Time to move on Charlie; time to join that Warlock Brotherhood in some other dimension – because, quite frankly, if you think you can still give us anything (and that includes your twins) – you are quite mistaken – unless you have a solid life insurance plan in place for the kiddies.
Charlie, You have indeed created some masterful moments of movie and TV magic, but now the joke is on you – as you have given-yourself-over to the drug-of-the-moment: please let us know when your rehab is finally over…I don’t want you bothering me while I’m on the set…