July 25th 2013 (Son Nick’s 33rd Birthday)
I know you’ve heard that old saying: “What an ego that guy’s got!” which usually translates into the referred person being “full of him/herself”: to the point of arrogance.
But if you study your Freud and your ego and psychodynamic psychologies – you will realize that our egos tend to be very, very, very important to our survival: the ego is that character structure that facilitates our survival – it is our shield against the often harsh reality of the social spheres we inhabit. Without our ego we wouldn’t be able to navigate the flotsam and jetsam of our world: we would instead, be reduced to mewling, sobbing globs of jello.
I believe that the layman mistakes an inflated superego — that is-in-turn fueled by the id — for the ego (I don’t think we need the article prefixes). But it’s not really ego we are talking about when someone puts-us-off by what we construe as ego-centric behavior – it’s the id and superego working in conjunction to conquer or convince whomever about whatever (for the man to conquer woman; or, the delusion of being a giant among lesser men/women [I apologize to my female readers for writing from the male perspective – but I’m not quite sure of what it is like for You when You conquer man]).
So when I published my recantation a-few-weeks-back, it was my ego that was doing the writing – as I believe It is writing today, and, I can draw a direct line to that day that I banged the Hell out of that part of my skull that protects the pineal gland. I consulted my personal neurologist (I really do have a personal neurologist) — and he confirmed that the part of my brain that was protected from severe trauma during the Jacuzzi accident was, the pineal gland. He gave me even more validation when he said: If the superego is housed anywhere in the brain – it is definitely in the pineal gland.
And as my readers know (since the accident) – I haven’t been able to climb upon my moral high horse like I used to: I’ve preferred trying my hand at some poetry (a more humble heuristic); and certainly can’t mount any acerbic attacks on anyone or anything…I can’t seem to work myself into a flap – I take each day as it comes.
What is it like functioning from pure ego? It seems that I am infinitely more capable of protecting my Self these days: particularly from folks who seem to want to take-a-bite-out-of-me. And I can genuinely say this because, as my readers know, my id came under control with the consumption of oxytocin (though Michael Douglas’s recent words have got me rather worried).
So with my id and superego out-of-my-picture, I believe I am all ego these days…and this feels pretty fucking good.