I had been contemplating writing about my belly even before hot tamale friend, Ellie, prodded IT (in much the same way my mother does), and, suggested that it has grown in recent months. This incident was the last straw and naturally birthed the necessity of wrestling with my Santa Claus burden in writing…
I vividly remember the day Miss Fitch (my fourth grade teacher [whom I was in love with]) prodded my belly in similar fashion to Ellie (and my mother [since that date]) and suggested… that I had QUITE a belly on me.
When I reported Ms. Fitch’s comments to my mother later-that-day (because in my fantasies I wanted Ms. F. to view me as a Herculean specimen – I was crushed by the possibility that she thought I looked fat) — my mother suggested that I begin holding my stomach in in public (In addition, I also started pumping iron regularly, and, joined my first swimming team [The Michigan Stingrays] — to combat ‘the belly’.)
Just swimming alone – might have saved me – but because I wanted the job COMPLETELY handled (my German genes perhaps?) I had to go into “an all-out assault mode on my gut” – so weights and “suckin” the gut also became part of my regimen. (I now know that I started lifting weights “way too early”; but, trying to hold my gut in was probably the single-worst exercise I have ever performed in my life: as this exercise not only weakened my lower back (along with my unsupervised weight training) – it also threw off my center of gravity!
As I write this piece – with my laptop atop my belly – I’ve quite given up on ever flattening the damned protrusion – and have essentially come to peace with it…but…unfortunately, my surfboard hasn’t!
It took me quite awhile to figure out why I’ve been struggling with my board of 5 years…five years ago – I got an 8’4” board that handled my aging knees and the waves quite nicely. But over the last four months – I’ve been struggling mightily – often preferring to “knee” the waves, or, over-balancing — like a beginner; like a damned Newbie! Well, because I’ve been surfing for 40 years – the only reason I could think of for losing my balance on my Walden – was that I had grown too fat for the ride. Sadly, Donald the Shredder suggested this might indeed be the case.
But what the Shredder didn’t realize (and what I had neglected to take into account) – was that my new center of gravity had altered my balance point – my former sweet spot was lost to me! I should have realized this when I continually buried my board in the wave as I paddled to catch it (a very Newbie move). And here I was worried that old age and fat were creeping in (which they definitely are)!
When it finally dawned on me as to what was happening – I started getting up quicker, and, widening my stance on my board (so at least I don’t have to get a new board just yet).
It’s all this damned walking that Giti has me doing (and that I have elected to do stick work during) – that has shifted my belly: front-and-center; but, has also finally straightened out my back. So as Giti and I prepare to visit the folks, I know my Mother will tell me that I am fatter than ever – but I am content to weather the finger prods knowing that my center of gravity has shifted…giving birth to god knows what…