On Being Too Nice
May 7, 2012
One of the coolest juvenile incarcerees I’ve experienced in my last 20 years of court school teaching went “gangsta” on me the other day. I asked him what-the-Hell-happened-to-him – because this was a kid who was college bound! For 3 straight months he came in and was respectful and produced “A” level work without ever bothering me (but I knew it wouldn’t last because this system is designed as a train to the Big House).
And-sure-enough, the next think I knew, he was giving me lip and talking smack at anyone who said something that rubbed him the wrong way…and…in answer to the question I asked above, he replied: “Scheff, these guys, in fact, everybody, mistakes niceness for weakness! And while I’m a really nice guy, I’m not weak! And besides, you’re the one who taught me how to ‘act’ like a hard ass!!!”
So, yes – this guy is pretty smart! I do “whoof” a lot (which means: to bark like you’re a Big Dog) – but I definitely don’t have the leg (or arm) strength to kick as many asses per day as I threaten to do!
But the other part of his report was what really stuck with me, because I too, am guilty of being too nice to too many people – Wife #2 immediately comes to mind – but more recently, in fact, very recently – I was reminded of the pitfalls of being too nice, and it almost cost me big time (and who knows, something may still come back and bite me in the ass!).
I’m still not sure how this Nigerian Lady found me in my CSUN class – but someone must have told her that I was an easy mark because 2 visits over 2 weeks was all it took her to talk me into joining the school board of her “charter school.” Then, after a few months passed – she informed me that her school board president had moved on and joined the LAUSD school board (this was true…one-of-the- few-bits-of-truth in the whole ordeal!) and she asked me if I would become the new president.
I told her that I was moving to Australia in July 2012 and that I wouldn’t be able to stay on. She assured me that as soon as “we” secured “the charter,” she would find someone else to fill the role. The exquisite irony in-all-of-this is: that I perceive Nigerians to be the consummate hustlers and I knew that she was trying to set me up for something or another — much like Wife #2 — who just needed a meal ticket out of Michigan but continue to follow the Mid-Western blueprint for a few years.
The Hustle hit around Christmas 2011, when this Nigerian would-be charter school lady asked if I could get a $100,000.00 loan for the charter school. I went berserk and said that I was “out”! But she managed to mollify me saying that she was sorry she had asked, and, that the State was handling charter schools differently and that she had been quite embarrassed to ask me in the first place but that she had to try. And try again she did! HG said I’d been bitten by a Nigerian vampire…
HG was probably right because even though I could still “feel the fix” – I kept doing this woman favor after favor. Not long before she tried to bring the sting home – I had a dream where I literally had to throw her off my back! And when she asked me to sign some signature papers (with the entire body missing); in the heat of a LAUSD board meeting where we were scheduled to present; and, I saw that I had been named the president of a non-profit organization – I finally mustered the cajones to escape the vampire.
To this day, I don’t know why I attended her bullshit meetings; lost a $900 pair of glasses; set up interviews for principals at CSUN; and, generally pandered to whatever she needed. I have to chalk it up to being too nice, unless I was indeed bitten by a vampire…
But like Alice Cooper sang (and Alice has a cameo in the new ‘Dark Shadows’) for me its:
No more Mr. Nice Guy
No More Mister Clean!