August 24, 2012
I know that I lambasted Sark in \”Sark Sucks\” (a term he used [very interesting] in his drunken spiel at the \’Salute to Troy\’) — but now I feel like I have to defend the guy.
I had no idea that his marriage was probably falling apart last season (though as a retired marriage and family therapist you\’d think I would have had a clue); and, now that he is divorced or heading for divorce — I can see why he has been drinking too much: Divorce fucks-us-all-up!
Before I get to the egregious damage divorce does to the entire family (particularly when children are involved) — let me focus a on why we men want to drink alot when we are going through a divorce!
First off, our egos get trampled when someone who once said \”I do\” now says \”I don\’t.\” All sorts of weird things go on in the male mind when his spouse wants a divorce: Has she found a better lover? Will she find a better lover? Was there something wrong with my loving? Have I not been the best provider I can be? And-so-on…
From experience I know that second marriages and or the affairs that split a marriage apart don\’t have a very good success rate — but not even this knowledge stopped me from drinking heavily (even in my second divorce [not to forget my first]). We just don\’t feel very good about ourselves — and there is something magical about alcohol that PUMPS US UP!
From feeling like a loser that the world has shit on — we transform with the agency of alcohol into winners, rock stars, gods! And anything that alleviates the pain of divorce is something you don\’t want to stop doing. But as Buddy Mark correctly states: Sark is the leader of our high profile Trojans: who have enough shit going on lately that we don\’t need Sark modeling this kind of drunken behavior!
Penance. Sark must give penance to Trojan Nation and get-on-the-wagon immediately! I don\’t want another mediocre season! His players probably didn\’t mind that the coach had a buzz going — but Sark won\’t be able to discipline them if he can\’t discipline himself. Penance!
During the first divorce — I went out one night and really put on a minder binder! I was supposed to proctor a final exam the next day. My then principal, Big Bill R., called me at about 8:30am the morning of the final and asked me where I was. I was naturally in bed and still quite drunk. So I told him that the wife had left and we were headed for divorce. He replied by telling me that he would get another faculty member to proctor the exam and that I should get myself together. I have always appreciated him for that gesture.
Of course, I have subsequently learned that Sark was popping pills as well. Vicodin? Oxycontin?? Something to create greater numbing capacity??? Hell, didn\’t Brett Favre use to play on this stuff?!
I hope Pat Haden does not fire Sark. I hope he gives him another chance — knowing that divorce creates indelibly painful, emotional and cognitive scars on the entire family. Most of the male world has made stupid, drunken mistakes — from presidents all-the-way-on-down-to- alley drunks. This is the country of second chances Pat — and for Chrissakes, they call us the University of Second Chance anyway! Sark was merely anesthetizing himself in the best way he knew how. Mentor him!
And Sark, no more screw-ups — on-or-off-the-field!