It’s Son Tyler’s 16th birthday today – so what better personage to write about than Son Tyler – on his milestone birthday (I guess it’s only a milestone in the U.S., however — where a 16-year-old is able to secure a driver’s license and get behind the wheel of a gas guzzlin’, insurance soaking, American idol)?
I didn’t want Tyler to be driving at 16 – because Tyler doesn’t show a-whole-lotta responsibility: he can’t keep track of his house keys or his phone minutes for Chrissakes (two symbols of responsibility for dear old Dad). In fact, Tyler has had to break into the back sliding door so often to get into the house – that I had to replace the lock with a new one that he struggled to break into. How do I know he struggled? Because after I replaced the old lock, Tyler needed to time home visits to coincide with my, or Brother Austen’s presence, at home.
I wanted (and tried) to raise Tyler as a Wunderkind. I had tried this once before with Son Nick. As a psychology major and teacher – I tried to “spare the rod and spoil the child.” I remember having the time and patience to tell Nick “No” innumerable times –(without ever raising my hand) – even when Nick stuck bananas into my tape players or rubbed squashed peas onto my albums. Tyler’s mum, however – ordered up a handful of spankings – which only lasted until Tyler learned to say “I love you Daddy!” (How can you spank someone who’s saying they love you? It’s like saying ‘Praise Jesus before being burned at the stake.) But I also read books to Tyler from about the age of two (3-picture-books-with-words, a night). I swear that Tyler was reading these books by himself at the age of 2-years-and-10 months (though my mother [who swears that she had me toilet-trained at 10 months] says I am prevaricating in this matter. I am not!
So Tyler was precocious in School beginning in about the third grades. As-a-matter-of-fact – only his 6th Grade teacher (young Rob Ayers) was suited to handling Tyler’s precocity. Most teachers sent Tyler to the principal’s office or to the Opportunity Room. I didn’t realize at-the-time(s), that Tyler had the lines to all of the Adam Sandler movies memorized, and loved doing his schtick in class – whether he was done with work or not. I had to shadow him for-a-week in the 8th Grade to find out what these teachers were all complaining about. Tyler really wasn’t that bad – I tend to blame “overwhelmed” and “under skilled” teachers.
But now, Tyler is hoping for a car for his 16th birthday, AND, for me to pay the insurance on this car. It ain’t gonna happen until he learns how to do this Father/Son thang with me; which is: I need a few of the “props” that dads who changed your diapers, put nice roofs over your heads and pretty much got you everything you ever wanted want. In psychotherapy school we learned that nuclear family relationships MUST BE 2-way relationships. And, it’s going to be tough for Tyler to practice 2-way – now that I have him living with his mother full time.
I remember that I desperately wanted to move-out-of-my-parents-home when I was 16 (perhaps at 15 [like Tyler]) – so I can understand Tyler not wanting to hang out with a rule-laden Dad for much of his 10th grade year. But I also remember wanting to return home when the going got tough and to eat well and sleep in a clean bed. Tyler may never have to worry about that – because he’s got soccer “skills” that can take him places – but I hope he never loses his skills like he loses his keys!
Happy Birthday T-Man! “16” is a biggee,
Love Pops