Begun on July 4, 2014: Finished on July 30, 2014
This lil’ attempt has been one-of-the-most difficult of my life: as it brings my fear of Death; concern about the quality of my time spent here on earth; and whether or not I have maximized my relationships with everyone I know, to the forefront of my mind. I have done my best (at- this-point-in-time) – to grapple with the passage of time (not-for-the-first-time)…
Another 4th of July is here…but today I’d rather not reflect on the many years of pseudo-American independence from England because; well frankly, because we are not as independent of them as most Americans would like to think. Though we slammed the front door in their Limey faces – they crawled back in through the windows a-long-time-ago. While US don’t compete in the Commonwealth Games — and the queen is not featured on our currency (or perhaps she is and it just hasn’t been pointed out to me yet) – we are probably the #1 Commonwealth nation!
So instead of dwelling on American wars, I decided to reflect on my 40th-year high school reunion in S. Africa because I have a need (recall the difference between a ‘want’ and a ‘need’) to explore my passage through these past 40 years. So many of my former classmates articulated this common, abiding concern: how did these 40 years fly by so quickly?! And, for continued, semi-sane living, I have to do something meaningful and satisfying with these 40 years to assuage my abiding need! Indeed, one of my old S. African “Mums” only compounded our Class of ‘74 conundrum by suggesting that it feels like she was just 60 yesterday…and now she is 80.
As important as our time should be to us here on earth – you’d think that the days, months and years would stick to us like oatmeal is supposed to stick to ribs: making us feel rich and full with our life experiences — instead of the years trickling out like water from a sieve…or, like an hour glass that moves in one direction – never being flipped over.
What happens to the time between the nodal points? Between those athletic triumphs, graduations, marriage(s), raises at work, children, holidays, American wars and the many milestones accomplished by friends, lovers and children?? It’s been almost 2 years since I retired from my day job and on a recent return it felt like I’m STILL there!
Perhaps the answer does lie in oatmeal…which doesn’t really stick to ribs does it? If prepared properly, oatmeal does make-a-body feel very, very full. And if oatmeal is the metaphor for experience (and our stomach the repository [not the ribs]) – I guess we get filled up with experience at such a rapid clip — with one layer immediately covering the previous, that we don’t take stock of our unique “dance in time” until we celebrate such reunions.
But another layer of mystery to my Time Passage was added when my former classmates suggested that I was the most difficult alum to recognize: that my outward appearance had changed the most!
I didn’t quite know how to take these comments – I have definitely shrunk over the years (See: You aren’t Stephen Scheff for additional explanation) – but I gather that my face was no longer one they once recognized; which isn’t such a bad thing – as I believe we live through multiple chapters in this life – and perhaps I have been a hard, or different kind of liver.
So now, with the luxury of being semi-retired and not having to get out of bed for any particular reason, I utilize each morning to re-taste the oatmeal of my life and savor the flavor that I missed the first time around — because I was too busy heaping spoonful-upon-spoonful and feeling full.
I find this process immensely fulfilling…I feel like I’ve finally got a Zen Handle on the passage of time…where days become months and months years and each year a lifetime…