June 4, 2012
I may have once written that the original family name my father brought to the United States was T-s-c-h-i-t-k-u-s-h-e-f-f (I’m not even sure I’ve spelled this Greek Macedonian name correctly). Anyways, S-c-h-e-f-f is a Germanized version of the name that most Americans pronounced Shitchef; so the folks changed it to something with a Teutonic swang. In German, Scheff (Chef) means: The chief or “head honcho” – and I’m wondering if it is this formulation that has unconsciously driven the nuclear family to attempt “to be the best” at whatever endeavor they are engaged in, because the family tree doesn’t yield any extraordinary accomplishments before the emergence of The Scheffs.
My Father allegedly was granted his U.S. visa for spying for the fledgling C.I.A. on the fledgling Communist Party in post-WW II Bulgaria – this after he helped with the Munich black market during the aforementioned war AND, apparently spoke seven languages (I’m thinking that he must have been one of the ‘best’ choices for this task). Once in the U.S. – he attempted to become the best automotive engineer around, and, inventor of car door-locking mechanisms; games; and, even, game shows. He never rose to the top echelon of Fisher Body, Ford or General Motors – but he never gave up on his belief that he was the best in his field – and though he loves his golf – at 90, he remains a-student-of-the-game.
My Mother survived the war as a pre-adolescent, and, while dodging bombs in Munich, managed to become a rather good swimmer. When she joined my father in the U.S. – she became a nationally ranked swimmer (if her former coach is to be believed – she was always 2nd to another star backstroker). But this swimming ability has carried over into a general athletic competitiveness that includes both tennis and golf. During my last Fort Myers visit (where the folks have retired) an octogenarian asked me if my 77-year-old-mother had always been in such good shape (though I think Jane Fonda is in better shape) – and I had to reply, “Yes – I had to wait till she was about 65 before attempting to best her on the tennis court (and even then I don’t think I ever got more than one set off of her)!”
Everyone has heard about me…at 5’8” I was supposed to be a world class swimmer (and probably was for a brief 6 months); and, I was supposed to become the world’s greatest piano player (I have had moments when it felt this way – but they have been fleeting). I also wanted to become the greatest teacher/professor on the planet and a psychotherapist to rival Freud — but I’ve lost that competitive edge and am content to play simple songs and teach part-time… What was it Afro Man sang? And then I got high…
My sister broke into the South African male domain of surf-lifesaving (which definitely shook the hallowed halls of South African Machismo). As a five-foot-two swimmer – she was also a two-event, Big 10 champ. When she suggested that she would swim faster than I ever did in the 100 and 200 meter butterfly, I protested that this would be impossible. But she not only tied me in the 100, but destroyed me in the 200. Swimming the 200 meter butterfly was the closest I have ever been to death (aside from my car accidents).
My brother was a solid swimmer – but made his mark setting the world pull-up record. I gather it didn’t last for long as he suggests that pretenders broke his record 6 months later: but he did 630 pull-ups in one hour, and then, 2012 in six-and-a-half-hours (or something like that).
The point of the matter is – is that this damned surname seems to have motivated members of the immediate family to push themselves beyond the boundaries that might be considered average or normal, and, I am just now taking stock of how this has affected our children (all of the cousins). If our name had simply stayed as Shitchef would there have been such a list of familial accomplishments? Would the rose have smelled as sweet, or, more like shit??