I know, I know – the window for my Osama assassination prediction is rapidly closing – and it’s not like I want him to die – especially not now that he’s picked Joe Biden as his running mate. I figure these two can really kick some ass for the next 8 years – particularly with all-of-Biden’s real world experience – I mean this guy has had some real damned tragedy in his life – the-kind-of-stuff that wakes you up to this whole deal of being human. The kind of stuff that keeps the demons out – unlike our boys Bush and Cheney.
I can’t say that I’ve had any real tragedy in my life…sure I have had the obligatory couple-of-divorces and the pain of compromised relations with my boys – but nothing on-the-order of Joe Biden, or, one of my former swimmers, Jenny Falvey.
I started lifeguarding as-a-15-year-old in South Africa: for the Summerstrand Surf Lifesaving Club. As a junior lifeguard – we were essentially gophers for the senior guards – and basically never made a rescue. Not even when I was a pro lifeguard a few years later at Humewood Beach, did I have the occasion to make a rescue. But that was a blast! Thanks Tony!!
When I turned 17 in the U.S., I immediately got my WSI certification (Water Safety Instructor) and set about earning money as a pool lifeguard. I lifeguarded all through Kalamazoo College: at the college, and, at the YMCA (among other places) – without incident: the most I ever had to do was hold the glycerine tablets for a few potential heart attack types. I didn’t have to do anything until my second year at Stoney Creek Park Lake…
Stoney Creek Park Lake is a multi-purpose lake in the vicinity of Rocherster/Utica Michigan – where I’d got a job as a weekend lifeguard the Summer before — giving me 3 Summer jobs to make then-wife, Nancy (and her father, happy [so they wouldn’t view me as a shiftless lazy teacher who wanted his Summers off]).
One Summer’s weekend day – Larry Z. the head lifeguard, (it was actually Larry “C” – but his unpronounceable Polish surname began with C-Z [and Sam Elliot had nothing on Larry Z]) – climbed up my tower to chat with me about my schedule – and how difficult it was getting to accommodate my hours (I was, after all, coaching two swimming teams and giving many swimming lessons); when I noticed a kid (I didn’t know he had Downe’s Syndrome) having what appeared to be seizures about 50 yards out in my section. I said to Larry Z that I was going out to take a look and grabbed my torpedo buoy.
I got into high gear when the seizures stopped and the boy’s body went limp. When I got to him – he’d already started to sink – so I immediately pulled him up and started giving him mouth-to-mouth. Since we were equipped with binoculars – I figured one-or-two of my colleagues would be out on paddle boards to help me with the rescue. (I can still remember all the slime on this kid’s mouth.) When no one came I started swimming the body in – all-the-while, giving mouth-to-mouth. Still no one came to help. When I finally got the kid into shallow water, I sat down and kept giving him mouth-to-mouth. Still no one came. Finally the kid started coughing and I knew that I’d got him back.
Then I looked up to see 11-of-my colleagues standing on the beach WATCHING! Having lifeguarded for 10 years at this juncture (and never having to make a rescue till this one) — I screamed at them: “What the fuck are you all doing?! Why isn’t any one helping me?!” Finally I got some help. I quit lifeguarding moments later.
I later learned that they were all frightened of potential litigation if the kid had died.
Years later, Davey M told me that someone swimming off a sailboat at Stoney Creek (not even in the swimming section) had drowned — and that my former swimmer, Jenny F, had been awarded the blame – though there was reportedly no possible way that she might have known, or even intervened. But I knew the chicken shit lifeguards there just went for the easiest scapegoat.
I sure as hell hope you got some back-up, Obama – because as far as I can tell: we come in alone, and, we exit alone.